Slapheads

Slaphead, slaphead, over there
What's it like to 'ave no hair?
Is it hot or is it cold?
I dunno 'cos I aint bald.

Now, let me make this clear from the start. I have nothing against men with bald heads who are either over 65, under medication causing hair-loss or have decided to shave their heads on purpose. What I cannot forgive however are men who are bald for no good reason. What the hell is wrong with these people? It’s so unnatural.

Look, it’s quite simple. Baring unfortunate accidents, men have, amongst other things, two arms, two legs, two ears, two eyes, a mouth, a nose and hair on top of their heads. What’s difficult about that? It’s called being a human being. I mean that’s what humans have on their heads – hair – right?

So what’s wrong with these follicly challenged persons? Why are there so many of these deformed slap-heads around? Are they missing some vital nutrient from their diet or do they spend hours plucking out the hairs? Whatever it is, it must take them considerable effort to look so stupid and ridiculous. Hat’s off to them!

What about the wig wearers? I mean come on. Do they really think they can get away with that? Elton John perhaps the most famous rug wearer of them all looks a total pratt. We all saw him rapidly going bald in his early career – and then a miracle –he turns up the next day with a full head of someone else’s hair! Who is he trying to kid? Everyone knows he is an ugly, bald, rich, slap-headed poof, so what’s the point?

However the ones that really take the piss and are beneath contempt are the slap-heads with beards! I mean what’s all that about? It’s like they have got their stupid heads on upside down or something – it’s just not right. What are they trying to say to the rest of us? “Look I know I’m bald on top, but I really can grow hair, honest I can – look I’ve got some on my face” Pathetic or what?

I think all people who are unnaturally ‘slappy’ should be obligated to wear special moulded solar panels on their bald heads. These panels can be connected to a small charger unit kept in their pocket. That way they can generate small bits of electricity and charge up batteries or something for the rest of us. Then, next time you see a slap head walking down the street, you can lob him a AA and say, “Here baldy, charge that up for me will ya?”

Job done.

Coming Soon...

Cyclists in Lycra
Women Golfers
People Who Wash Their Cars
Smokers are 'as thick as shit'
Blokes That Don't Drink
Woman Are Hideous (Part 2)
Poofs and Dykes
Taxi Drivers
Committee Members
Dog Owners
Caravaners
Car Boot Sale Enthusiasts
Mobile Phones on Trains
Men in Replica Football Shirts
Pikey Gypo Lowlife