Women are Hideous

What is the point of women? Apart from the obvious of course, like doing the washing, cooking the dinner, getting the shopping and cleaning the house they have very little to offer. Some of them might actually be nice to look at, or even worth a quick poke, but you wouldn't want to actually live with one - perish the thought.


Most women you see about town are fat, many hideously so. Fat and horrible and downright disgusting - the amazing thing is though, that most of these fat slags have kids. How the phuck does that work? What right-minded bloke is going to own up to that? I mean how drunk do you have to get? Yuk, categorically revolting.


Since they have marginal uses , I don't have a problem with women being kept in some kind of locked room, or cellar, to be let out to do their chores from time to time, but no way should they be given the freedom of the house. There was a bloke who had a great idea, it was in the paper last year sometime. He kept his girlfriend on a collar and lead and just pulled her along behind him and tied her up to things when he was fed up with her. Makes perfect sense to me.


Women of course talk far too much, incessantly so. If fact if you have the stomach to watch a group of women talking together it is quite frightening. They all talk at once, not listening to a single word the others say, just so long as they can each squark out their totally boring and irrelavent drivel. What a waste of energy. This neatly brings me to my great idea of harnessing all this energy, reducing greenhouse gas emissions and saving the planet... jaw dynamos.


All women should be issued with a jaw dynamo device when they reach a certain age and should be obligated to carry it with them at all times - by law. This clever device, which I am about to patent, fits neatly around the jaws of women and of course converts all the frenzied mouth action into useful electricity. When in public buildings, pubs, cafes and the like (and of course at home) the other end of the device can be plugged into convenient ports on the walls and fed directly into the National Grid. It would take a bit of infrastructure to get going but would pay for itself within a short while. Notices would have to be displayed at first to remind them of their obligations... "Ladies please plug your jaw dynamos into the nearest available port" or something like that. The devices might look a bit ugly at first but eventually the design could be improved and they would be soon be available in different colours to match their lipstick and handbags.


Failing that or maybe as a complemenary service all women should be fitted with a "mute" button. This could be fitted under the skin, possibly on the left shoulder or other easily accessible place and should work like a toggle button. Mute/mute off. In this way, when the talking simply gets too much for any man in the vicinity to bear he can simply press her shoulder and turn her off. This would be a particulaly useful feature and wouldn't neccesariliy adversily effect electricity generation either, since her jaws could still move, just no sound would come out and it would take her a while to realise. For example, if the missus if giving you grief, a knowing wink to a nearby bloke and he will obligingly tap her shoulder and turn her off.


Job done!


Coming soon...

Fat People
Blokes That Don't Like Sport
Slap Heads
Cyclists in Lycra
Women Golfers
People Who Wash Their Cars
Idiots Who Smoke
Blokes That Don't Drink
Woman Are Hideous (Part 2)
Poofs and Dykes
Taxi Drivers
Committee Members
Dog Owners
Caravaners
Car Boot Sale Enthusiasts