Cyclists in Lycra

Mmmmm… where do we begin with these bastards?

Well firstly, I must be honest and admit that I own a bicycle. Furthermore, I admit that I occasionally go on bike rides – usually in the summer months with the kids in tow slowly peddling down a quiet country road to a nice pub with garden. Sup a few pints and then leisurely wind our way back home again, always careful and aware of the occasional vehicle that may pass. If we hear or see a vehicle coming, than we happily move out of the way to the verge of the road, stop and wait for them to pass. Healthy respect given to the vehicle at all times – after all they are large and heavy and can do damage, plus of course they have the right of way without question!

What is it then with these career twats in brightly coloured, body hugging Lycra?

We’ve all seen them. In their skull contoured helmets, bent low over their stupid handlebars, butt rhythmically swaying from side to side on their cycles with ultra thin road tyres on super lightweight frames. They are like creatures from another planet. The Planet Knob.

Have they got a death-wish? Have they got huge chips on their collective shoulders? Do they think that because they look like assholes we will feel sorry for them and not mow them down? And why don’t these tossers ever get out of the bloody way? They seem to take great pleasure in not allowing motorists to pass them and will go out of their way and jeopardise their own safety to do so. There can be a long queue of frustrated traffic behind them and a convenient place for them to pull off the road, but these twats won’t even change their course or speed one jot to let legitimate road users pass them. Quite often they will come in pairs and decide to ride side by side – I mean these morons must die!

It is as if they are on some kind of life mission to totally and completely make life a misery for car drivers! Now excuse me, but roads were built for and funded by car drivers, not these self righteous twats who never pay a penny in road tax and think they own the road! In my opinion they have absolutely no right of way whatsoever. In fact when a car comes up behind them, they should get off their stupid vehicles and bow humbly several times to the passing motorist. They are the scourge of society, they look ridiculous and they cause much stress and anxiety to all other road users.

Never has a solution been more obvious and deserved. Mow the bastards down! Wipe them from the face of the earth. Run them over, then reverse and run over them again just to be sure! Take their bicycle pumps and shove it so far up their asses it comes out their ears. Burn down the factories of the cycle manufacturers, close down the shops that sell the stupid stuff they wear, tarmac over all the cycle lanes, ban the tour de France or better still relocate it and make it run concurrently with the Monoco Grand Prix on the same track. These bastards must die. Then and only then can say we say… job done.

Coming Soon...

Women Golfers
People Who Wash Their Cars
Smokers are 'as thick as shit'
Blokes That Don't Drink
Woman Are Hideous (Part 2)
Poofs and Dykes
Taxi Drivers
Committee Members
Dog Owners
Caravaners
Car Boot Sale Enthusiasts
Mobile Phones on Trains
Men in Replica Football Shirts
Pikey Gypo Lowlife
People With Personal Number Plates