People Who Wash Their Cars

Right then – people who wash their cars – what total twats!

Technology is a truly wonderful thing. It has given us so many wonderful things… sliced bread, satellite TV, Off Licences, computers, kebab shops, MP3 players, the internet, air travel, Carlsberg lager, the Space Shuttle, wank mags and so many other incredible and amazing things. Inventions that make our life so much easier. Labour saving devices, luxuries and a whole multitude of brilliant things that you can’t begin to name then. Ok then, so please answer me this simple question : Why the hell do people go outside and wash their cars when there is a perfectly good car wash just down the road?!

I mean you don’t rub two bits of wood together to make a fire - you use an invention called a match. You don’t walk 5 miles to the nearest pub, you call a cab, and you don’t try to cook a curry when there is an Indian takeaway just around the corner! It’s not really that hard. Why then, do these muppits spend an hour or so carefully washing and waxing their precious car when there is a perfectly good car wash a few miles away? Or better still one of those hand car washes where you sit inside feeling superior as the local spotty teenage delinquents wax, clean and polish the car for you.

Clearly one cannot wash cars on a Sunday morning – that is so mind bogglingly cliché that you might as well go the whole hog and have artificial butterflies stuck to the side of the house and gnomes in the garden. I bet these tossers, out with a cheery smile on a Sunday morning, carefully scrubbing their hub caps are the sort of bloke who will be seen later on down the local public house for a typical Sunday lunchtime amateur hour. Sunday lunchtime drinking is for people who don’t drink, but think they should! It comes as no surprise that these people choose to wash their cars on the Sabbath.

Cars are a mode of transport – period! So long as you can see clearly out of the windows in all directions it is clean enough! When it gets too dirty, then take it to the phucking car wash moron! Don’t clean the stupid thing by hand (especially on a Sunday) Get a life , you sad pathetic wanker. Give the bucket and sponge to the kids so they can wash it or else celebrate your cars dirtiness in all its glory. You are a long time dead, so don’t waste your pathetic life attempting to remove dirt from the deepest recesses of your stupid car that nobody but you gives a shit about. Now come on, get a grip man!

Coming Soon...

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Blokes That Don't Drink
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Caravaners
Car Boot Sale Enthusiasts
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