Blokes In Replica Football Shirts

Why is it that most blokes who follow their favourite football team insist on wearing unflattering yet expensive replica football shirts?

Most of these blokes are probably quite sane in normal circumstances and even fashion conscious. Why is it then that they persist on wearing brightly coloured, shiny, very expensive (short lived) replica shirts stretched over their bulging waistlines? Let’s face it - they look awful. Hello! This might come as a shock to you mate, but in fact you are not Frank Lampard or Wayne Rooney so why the phuck have you got ‘his’ name on ‘your’ shirt dumbass?

I must admit, the light only dawned on me a few years ago. Up to then I always bought my teams new kit every year (Arsenal of course), usually both the home and away kit at £40 a piece, only to put them in the back of the cupboard and buy the next kit(s) 12 months later. Sheer madness really. Then I realised that actually I don’t look good in bright red and white or fluorescent yellow with an extremely large advertising logo on the front!

Now I look back and reflect - what the hell was I thinking of? After all, although I passionately support my team, I realise that I am not good enough to play in the real team, I am in my mid forties, generally unfit and my name is not ‘Thierry Henry’. Why then do mature blokes wear replica shirts with the name of their favourite player on the back? It’s really pathetic and quite sad if you think about it. It’s the sort of thing that junior school-boys do in pretending to be their favourite player in the playground. The astounding thing is that you have to pay extra to have their name and number on the back too. Quite a bit extra as it happens – just how stupid do you have to be?

It’s OK for young kids to wear a shirt with a name of their hero on the back, but once you hit puberty there isn’t really much excuse. In fact these days if I see a bloke wearing a replica with a players name on the back I feel nothing but contempt that he can be so juvenile.

Nowadays there is just no excuse. All the top clubs have an incredible range of fashion clothing in sensible colours, fittings and styles. So instead of wearing an ‘in your face’ unappealing bright replica shirt, why not wear a fashionable understated polo shirt or sweatshirt in a reasonable colour with the clubs logo discreetly but proudly displayed. In this case you support the club you love, look trendy and don’t have to throw the thing away at the end of the season. Not too difficult really eh?

In addition it has just occurred to me that if you are a professional player on the pitch in a ‘real’ game trying to pick out a team mate in a crucial match, then absolutely the last thing you want is banks of people in the crowd wearing exactly the same shirt as the team-mate you are trying to pass to! So you see you are actually hindering the team you support by wearing these brainless replicas, on top of the fact that you look a plonker. Come on guys, wake up and get a life! I know you love your team, but how about a bit of common sense?

Enough said, you know I’m right.

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