People Who Put Up Christmas Decorations in November!

Unscheduled blog - but it's got to be said!

Stupid premature bastards!

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas. Actually that’s a lie, as a kid I absolutely loved it, and now with my own kids I don’t mind it. Well to be honest I put up with it. As the years go by, it gets more and more of a struggle to get enthusiastic about it.

However, what I do remember was that there was never any evidence of Christmas until December , usually not until the second week or so – not phucking November or October for crying out loud!

What the sodding hell is going on? Nowadays, the summer draws to a close, you’ve just put the barbeque back in the garage, given the lawn a final cut, and rolled the hosepipe up, and before you can have a wank, there are Christmas decorations in the shops and all the stupid festive paraphernalia that goes with it! Arrrggghh!

What about the traditional office party? Nowadays most are held ridiculously early, sometimes in November! How the hell can you get into the festive spirit then? The whole point of the 'Christmas Office Do' is to let your hair down a bit! It was customarily held the Saturday before Christmas so the staff and management could forget their inhibitions and have a really great time. Being so close to Christmas, work was usually slack and staff would generally be getting into the festive spirit with no fear of reprisal. After all, everyone would get drunk, have a good time and with the Christmas and New Years holidays coming up nobody would remember what happened so long ago. When everyone returned sober and refreshed behind their desks in January, nobody would remember a thing!

So tell me, how the hell are you supposed to shag your secretary, insult the boss, grope Mrs Higgins' tits from accounts and then fall face down in your own pile of vomit if you have to be up for an important meeting bright and early the next morning in November?

OK – so we can blame the companies. Fair enough, but they are in business and if they can save money and careers by having the Xmas party early it’s understandable, if unpleasant. We can blame the shops for their stupidly in starting Christmas early – but that too is understandable, as they want to make extra profits.

HOWEVER, THE STUPID INDIVIDUALS WHO PUT UP THEIR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IN NOVEMBER ARE CLEARLY TWATS OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!

I rack my brains and try to think of what possible explanation there could be for such stupid and bizarre behaviour! These people are mentally ill!

My guess is that these brain dead morons are so pathetic and insecure that they just want to be liked. So they buy the most expensive outside Christmas decorations they can afford. Stupid phucking snowmen glowing brightly, neon flashing Santas, elves, Rudolphs, hundreds of flashing icicles hanging from the guttering and lots of dazzling lights on the tree outside. What a load of bollocks! These idiots can’t even see the phucking things they’ve decided to put up – it’s all for the 'benefit' of passers by! Well thank you so much! They are indoors, probably peeking through the curtains, hoping to see the faces of passers by as they stare dumbfoundedly at the flashing monstrosity they have created on their house!

Now come on boys – hire that flamethrower or chain saw, grab that pick axe or baseball bat. Walk around town and take all this shit out! We should not have to put up with such hideous decorations on our streets. Pull down those odious twinkling lights, rip down those blinking neon candles, smash those cute snowman into pulp and cave smiling Santa’s phucking head in!

Enough is enough!

Coming soon...

Blokes That Don't Drink
Poofs and Dykes
Taxi Drivers
Committee Members
Dog Owners
Caravaners
Car Boot Sale Enthusiasts
Mobile Phones on Trains
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Pikey Gypo Lowlife
People With Personal Number Plates
BBC Local Radio
Unsolicited Phone Calls
Jehovah’s Witnesses
Religious Twats